Thursday, 30 April 2009
Blog Assignment #3: Climate Change
I think this is because of the climate change in the world. People can see it so clearly through media which have focused on the fact that the ocean levels are increasing. This is because the South- and the North Pole are melting very quickly. The reason the poles are melting is because we are burning so much oil. For example: airplanes, cars, boats and the biggest problem is the world industry. All these are burning large quantities of oil which in turn emit lots of carbon dioxide. The carbon dioxide is building a “shell” around the globe and this “shell” prevents the heat from the earth to bounce back out in space. The “shell” is building a greenhouse effect. The heat is entering but leaving which leads to increasing temperature.
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Therese!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your text. You have good arguments and reasons to the climate change.
I think that the text is a bit short and it would have been easier to read if you had made paragraps in your text. A paragraph were each reasons could have been separated.
Also I don´t really think that you answer the guestion of this assignment because we were supposed to blog about the reasons to why people´s realisation about climate changing has been so slow in coming. But yes, you answer the question but is this the answer to why?; "People can see it so clearly through media which have focused on the fact that the ocean levels are increasing." (I quoted your thoughts)
Then I think you talk about the reasons to the climate change and that wasn´t really what we were supposed to do. Or am I wrong?
When it comes to our assignment and the fact that we would write a causal text I´m afraid I can´t see that you have done that. You have no question in the end of the introduction. And you havn´t divided your text with an Introduction, reasons and a Conclusions.
You have a lot of good arguments I think and they are absolutley correct. We have to take care of our planet!
Best Regards Rebecca O Carlander
Dear Terese,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your text on the topic of climate change. You seem to know a great deal about the reasons for the climate change we are experiencing.
When it comes to the structure of your text, it is evident that you need to get hold of the information about how to structure a text of the causal analysis kind. These are things we have gone over in class, so I suggest you get in touch with your group-mates and try to make copies of handouts and notes. There is a lot of vital information there that you will need in order to be able to pass the written proficiency part of the exam. You also need to learn about more basic things such as paragraphing, introductions, concluding paragraphs, topic sentences, thesis statements and transitional devices.
Your assignment was not to make a scientific description of the greenhouse effect, but you were to discuss why you think we have been so reluctant to react upon it. The way your text is now, you jump straight into a description of the causes for climate change, without introducing the topic. As to your first sentence, the reader has no way of knowing what “this” in “I think this is because of the climate change in the world.” refers to. Also, you don’t have a conclusion, where you sum up the points you make in the body of the text (you would have needed at least three paragraphs with one reason each – the text is far too short now!), and end with some kind of intelligent/witty/provoking remark. Again, make sure you get hold of the information on how to structure texts, since without that tool you will not be able to pass the exam.
As to your language, it is fine. However, the sentences “For example: airplanes, cars, boats and the biggest problem is the world industry. All these are burning large quantities of oil which in turn emit lots of carbon dioxide.” should have been fused into one, e.g. “For example: airplanes, cars, boats as well as the industries of the world all burn large quantities of oil which in turn emit lots of carbon dioxide.”. The sentence “The heat is entering but leaving which leads to increasing temperature.” Is contradictory and therefore unclear to me.
Looking forward to reading your next blog!
Best,
Marika
It is obvious that you know a great deal about this topic and that you are personally involved in it. Your writing is very good and you have a good language.
ReplyDeleteHowever you could have written more and your text could have had an introduction and an ending. In between it would have been great if you had divided your text in different paragraph and in your text used linking devises.
But I know that you have not been to some of the written proficiency classes and then it is not easy to know how the assignment is supposed to be.
I think you did a great job considering the circumstances.
Eva Alod